Dilemma

Well, not really a dilemma. More of a is this worth the effort? Which is, I guess, a kind of dilemma. I have approximately 24hours in which to get an application for a residency in the US together. These are always complicated arrangements where they require small vials of your unborn child’s blood so that you can sign a complicated agreement that you will sing their praises for the rest of your natural born life and perhaps a compliment or two when you shuffle off this mortal coil. Also you have to write a letter. This is the first time I’ve come across this for a residency although an attempt to go to graduate school in the US was I’m sure thwarted by the fact I couldn’t write a good enough letter.

I can’t quite put my finger on it but there is something incredibly wrong about it. And suspicious.

1. Who writes letters anymore?
2. There’s something ‘begging for attention’ about the whole thing.
3. It’s trying to hide what it is – a blatant attempt to convince the dear reader of my letter thatI am more worthy than all those other letters on the pile.
4. It’s not even a real letter – it doesn’t begin with Dear bloke with big house and friend to artistic types and I’m not signing it off – love and kisses, your darling writer – S

If I ever have the cash to open an artist’s residency (oh, the dreams) I’m going to make hopefuls be way more blatant in their attempt to woo me. You have to grovel so let me see the grovelling. On your hands and knees boys and girls. Whoa – this posting is going off in directions neither you or I saw.

Anyway, I’ve made a kind of rough draft of what my project is going to be (which will form part of the letter) but then there’s the bit that always trips me up – how will you contribute to the community at [insert name of rich muckety-muck’s palatial artistic extravaganza]. I don’t know. I’ll probably sit in my room all day playing with words which will exhaust me to the point of a coma. I will then stumble into the kitchen whereby I will crash tackle anyone who reaches for the wine bottle. I will then proceed to drink copiously from aforementioned wine bottle whereby I will entertain and horrify all with lurid stories from my misspent youth. How does that sound dude? You up for a bit of that?

The mid-life crisis at the cash job is off on a “planning day” this afternoon with the other lawyers. No, I have no idea what it is either. I’m sure this guy would know. But he seems to have enough on his plate. While I’m supposed to be doing filing (how many pieces of paper can one not very busy man produce?) I could work on this letter thing. I will also have to go and get a new printer cartridge because I just know that at midnight when I’m trying to print out everything it will run out of ink. And then there’s a whole online thing that I have to do. Okay, now I’m just sounding like a whingey little princess, aren’t I? Just freaking do it. Me and Nike have a lot in common.