Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Messenger

One of the great things about not having a day job is … MOVIES! In particular, cheap Monday movies at the Cinema Nova at Carlton, which is one of my favourite places on earth, and if I left Melbourne, it would be in the top 5 things I would mourn openly.

Anyway, yesterday was Monday and off I trotted to Lygon Street, and saw The Messenger, which is … well, it's beautiful. And I loved every moment of it, and I think you should all go and see it. Because if there were more films like this, the world would be just a tiny bit more magnificent.

Oh yeah, and Ben Foster is hot. So there is something for everyone.

Words, words, words

I was a little (read: a lot) slack in my quest to write 50,000 words by the end of the month in the days leading up to the end of the day job. My little word count thing on Nanowrimo was looking sad and malnourished, but I'm fighting back with a vengeance and obsessively overfeeding my word count with words, words, words. They don't have to be good words (and trust me, they are not) but they are words, one after the other. I am going to win this thing if it kills me. And then when I do … well, I guess I'll write more words and try and make them a little better, and then …. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Freedom

Well, I have finally thrown off the shackles of that ghastly institution called a day job. It's been about 36 hours and I still find myself thinking "Jesus. I better do [insert meaningless task here]" or "I hope that [insert name of overpaid lawyer here] gets the plague this week and doesn't come in". But then I snap out of it and think "I'll never have to see these people again. Ever." Which is probably not true. I have a habit of circling back to the places where I think I never will.

But for now … Freedom.

On a side note, Freedom is also a novel by Jonathan Franzen. Which is very good. And you should all read it. NOW!!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Update

Am finally, FINALLY!!!, ending my god awful day job this Friday. And I don't have to look for another one until next year.

Be careful on the streets on Friday night. I will be celebrating. I will be drunk. I will be a danger to myself and others.

In other news, I'm over my Heidi/Spencer obsession but retain the right to pick it up again at any moment, and I'm over the halfway mark in Nano. I am totally rocking out to my own beat. Don't try it people. You will injure yourself.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Obsession

Oh my god. Save me from myself. In the last few days, round about the time I started this I have become obsessed with the trials and tribulations of two certain people. I don't want to tell you who they are because it's awful that I find them so fascinating. After reading about them, which I do, frequently, I feel like I must scrub my brain. They are lowering my already dwindling IQ every time I click on to the latest article about them. I'm disappearing down the well of these two people and I have no idea how to get myself back out. Good Lord. The evilness of the internet has shown its true power. And I, faithful reader, am no match

Okay, I'm amongst friends. You won't judge me too harshly, I'm sure. Okay. Here we go .... It's ... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. I KNOW! A few months ago, I didn't even know who these people were but now I'm a junkie, firing up the pipe of these two blonde, very stupid, very fucked up people. And it's not so much the dumb. It's more the fuckedupness. They got me. Oh yes they did. The deathly pursuit of their fame, the way they divorce just to try and get interest in a TV Show, the fact that she has had 30 cosmetic surgeries and her nose or ear or something important is starting to fall off, the fact that they are now living in a studio out the back of a friend's house because they have blown their entire savings, and all this because they were on some reality show that I actually have never seen. It sounds like a terrible TV show and surely, surely, they weren't stupid enough to think that it would go on forever and that people would never get sick of watching them in their constructed version of reality. I feel sorry for them and yet I want to punch them in the face, hence the fascination.

But in good news, I have written over 11.000 words of my novel. So maybe Heidi and Spencer are helping me. Oh god, please let that not be true.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Nanowrimo

I've decided that this year I'm going to do NanoWrimo and write me a novel. Yes, I am. Well, I'm going to attempt to write 50,000 words in a month. While having a day job that sucks the soul out of any creative activity. I figure it's either do something mighty, or consider homicidal rampages as an alternative career. At the moment the novel is about a girl, Sive, that goes missing. Twenty years later, her best friend John and her sister, Meredith set out to find out what happened to their sister and friend.

I start tomorrow morning. I'm unfeasibly excited!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Charles Bukowski, Guru

Oh Charles, Chuck, can I call you Chuck?, you are awesome in your dead, drunk, male way. I would give much to have been one of your mad females.

"The nine-to-five is one of the greatest atrocities sprung upon mankind. You give your life away to a function that doesn't interest you. This situation so repelled me that I was driven to drink, starvation, and mad females, simply as an alternative."
—Sunlight Here I Am: Interviews & Encounters 1963-1993, 2003

Oh yes. Oh yes, yes, yes. That's exactly it.

I have to go file now and watch my soul seep out through a paper cut.

Back in the building

Oh, would you look at that. She's back. For now. So, I think it's safe to say now, here, in the presence of no one in particular, this is going to be one of those relationships. I think it's safe to say that I'm not going to be the guy that your father hoped you would end up with. I'm the guy that had his own 'apartment' (read - shack out the back of Guido's butcher shop which doesn't have electricity, running water, heating, airconditioning, a floor and the 'windows' were actually holes punched by Guido when he was going through his 'drinking' phase) in high school because Mum was an alcoholic and Dad fled to find gold and never returned. In short, I was cool. Seventeen cool, but now we're older, we've been through some stuff, you're desperately trying to remember your seventeen year old self and why the hell you loved this unreliable, flee in the middle of the night deadbeat that has lost his boyish grin.

I don't know. I've got my own problems, like not being a good blogger. Maybe it's your fault. Maybe your the one who nagged and nagged until you drove me away into the arms of something that isn't virtual. Maybe I'm just projecting. We'll never know because I'm not the 'talk about my problems' kind of guy. You will try and change me but it's never going to happen.

Anyway, I'm back. I've got my shit together, I'm thinking about a future. Calm down, and make me a cup of tea little lady. We got a lot to catch up on.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Things I don't miss

1. Blinding summer heat.

2. Carl Williams

3. Living in Brisbane

4. No. That's about it. I'm really a simple girl.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I am

* bored.

* tired.

* bored.

* really bored from the hours of 2.00 - 3.00pm

* have a capacity to hate that applies itself randomly and without any sort of moral compass.

* am woman. Hear me roar. Actually, nah, scrap that. I hate it when women roar.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Things Playwrights would never say ...

* Just say the line any way that feels right to you; I'm not precious about my words.
* My agent is wonderful.
* No need to pay me a royalty or a licensing fee -- it's such an honor just to work with this theater.
* I don't think 3% for 3 years is nearly enough back-end participation for this theater, given everything they've done to promote my play. I think they should get at least 20% -- forever!
* You're absolutely right! That character would never say that.
* You understand the character far better than I do at this point.
* I don't know what I did before there were dramaturges.
* That's a fantastic idea for a play. I'm going to stop all my other projects right now and write it. And I want you to have 20% of anything I earn from it, for coming up with such a fabulous concept.
* Why would I need to be at any rehearsals? I trust you guys know what you're doing.
* No thanks, I don't drink...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Supercell me




So we had ourselves a bit of a storm on the weekend. I didn't think it was much of one when I was standing in the art gallery and hearing it pelt down on the roof. But it was. A supercell storm, whatever that means, and apparently it means that it's bad. It's very, very bad - which I found out after catching the train home and finding the entrance to the train station a metre deep in water. If I come down with some sort of fungal disease I'm suing someone. Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Big storm. Here to tell the tale. May have to deal with some sort of tropical disease in the near future. Slightly terrified.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

10 Rules for Writing

1. Never snack while writing; consume only complete meals – a starch, two vegetables and one serving lean protein (remember that one serving is about the size of a pack of playing cards.)

2. Marry somebody who will cook this.

3. When revising, consider whether you have written anything that will hurt or offend a member of your immediate family. If the answer is no, go back and add something.

4. It's doubtful that any fiction worth reading has been produced on a computer running Windows Vista.

5. Keep a copy of Islands in the Stream by Ernest Hemingway on the left hand side of your desk. Keep Fitzgerald's The Crack Up on the right. When you get stuck, pick them up and pretend that they are having a fight, like you used to do with your GI Joes. Just sort of bash them together for a while.

6. Never use dogs to symbolize anything. That is ridiculous. Always ensure that any dogs are just dogs; i.e., characters in the story who happen to be dogs.

7. Actually, never write about dogs.

8. And it probably is a good idea to avoid symbolism.

9. If an irate reader should break into your home, tie you to a chair and terrorize you with selections from the cutlery drawer, think back to your most recent novel. Was its point of view inconsistent? Did you at any time make use of the second person, or urban slang, even ironically? Did you attempt to underscore the significance of an action by describing it as having been performed “to the max”? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, accept what you have coming.

10. Remember: Writing is freedom.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Number 1 Rule for Writers

Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you stand in the corner of your writing room, shouting very loudly to yourself while drinking a bottle of white wine. Then masturbate under the desk. The following day you will feel a deep and cohering sense of embarrassment.

Help!



This is me. Minus the stupid look on my face. Fine. This is me.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Don't call me.




This is what I would like to do with my phone. I won't, but I would really like to. It's bad enough that I get spam on my email account - I swear to god I am known to every Nigerian scammer and if I added it all up I would be a gazillionaire by now, that's right they would have to invent monetary terms for me. Bill Gates would look like a beggar in the street compared to my bottomless money pit. And now the scammers have decided to give me even more money because really is there such a thing as too many private islands? Too many houses, cars, planes, small dogs I can fit in my handbag and leave my gazillions to in my will? No. Of course there is not. If you think there is then you must be one of those pinky, lefty, bleeding heart do-gooders. Yes. Hang your head in shame. You're not getting a cent of my gazillions. (PS Say that word out loud - hours of fun)

I got a message on my phone last night saying that I had won $2million in a mobile phone lottery. Can you believe it? My luck is red hot. That Midas chap looks like a fairly average bloke, statistically speaking, compared to me. Apparently all I have to do is send my details including bank account (NATCH! How else are they going to give me my gazillions? Don't shake your head at me in pity. You are the ones that have trust issues.) and the bounty is mine. All mine!

Nigeria? If Angelina Jolie hadn't adopted a child from your country, you would have nothing. Seriously. Take a long hard look at yourselves.

Rant ... over.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Funny ... Well, I think so.



So last time we chatted I was talking about radio plays and how to do them. Well, it turns out after much reading of said radio plays (note to you: read Tom Stoppard's radio plays from the 60s. They are awesome) that they are a lot like stage plays except you can't see them. Which, it also turns out, is perfect for someone like me who likes to sit characters on things and leave them there forever and a day. Just chatting. In my defence, this is what people do. For the other side, yeah, but who wants to pay money to watch that? Fair enough. BUT, and it is a big but (that's why I put it in capital letters) no one really wants to listen to that either. They got to move. I'm going to write that on a sticky note and stick it up on my wall. Hang on a minute ...

Right. Done. That should fix the problem shouldn't it?

So, I'm writing this radio play, and I am. Well, I'm more outlining it at the moment but I'm about half way there and I've got these characters walking down streets, in elevators, in the park. That's great. But ... no, wait a minute ... BUT now I have them together in a room and they have to be there for quite a bit of time. So the question is what do I do with them that will be interesting for someone that is just listening to them?

These are the things that keep me up at night.

No show

Again with the no show. Would you believe me if I said I was sorry? That I will do better in the future, that I had a lot of STUFF on my plate?

You hate me don't you? You love me but you hate me. You love me only so that one day you will get to hate me. You look forward to that day don't you?

Friday, January 29, 2010

Radio Plays

Who knows anything about radio plays? Me? Nothing. Not a scratch. Well, I do know that they play on radio. There is that. I'm not a complete eejit but as for anything else ... well, let's just think about this. Let's try and define a radio play, as opposed to a stage play. It's a play for voices ... and sound. I can't have people moving around too much. Although I guess they can move. Man walks up stairs ... clomp, clomp,clomp. I guess silence wouldn't play too well. Lots of people crowded around a radio asking "IS THIS THING ON?" So silence is somewhat ruled out.

Are there any more differences?

You can't see the actors. Which I think is a marvellous invention and there should be more of it. I'd like all my actors dressed in a full body suit and then maybe they would learn that it's not you stupid, it's the words. The words are the important thing. Which is probably a good rule of thumb when thinking about radio plays. And I am. I want to write one. I'm just not sure where to begin.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

News

Got some exciting news last week which I know I should have rushed to tell you all about but ... No. Sorry. Don't have a good excuse. I'm just slack. I know. The shock of discovering such a thing. But, let's not get weighed down by the negative. You're so negative. Has anyone ever told you that? Well ... turn that frown upside down because I got news that I'm having a play on in Canada. I know CANADA! Which is exciting because I know next to nothing about Canada and therefore it's got the whiff of the exotic about it all and it's also exciting because I've never had a play on in Canada.

I know. I'm like so GLOBAL.

Homeland

Just for being an Australian I got a day off yesterday. Thank you Australia. You really are quite awesome, except when you are assaulting Indian students on the way home, keeping refugees locked up and other ghastly acts including the one that got us the day off in the first place. But a day off for no reason other than some white bloke sailed across the world and bumped into us is alright by me. In fact it is better than that. It is very AUSTRALIAN. Which is important. It is normal to be Australian. It is absolutely the deep pits of satanic behaviour to be Un-Australian. The goal posts on where Australian and UnAustralian live change by the second and it is quite possible that I am being UnAustralian at this very minute and have no idea. An example: Eating lamb is Australian but eating Kangaroo is still a bit weird and while probably not UnAustralian, is very close to it. I eat both lamb and kangaroo so I'm very much a fence sitter. I know. The confusion reigns supreme. I have never draped myself in an Australian flag - very UnAustralian but I have never dispossessed someone of their land either - Used to be extremely Australian and now it's UnAustralian. Well, sort of. You see the problem?

I celebrated being Australian by writing and then eating Italian which puts me firmly in the Un-Australian but it beat being at the day job. Day jobs should be unconstitutional. Which is a bloody Australian thing to say.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Achievement

I did the most wonderful thing last night. I used a pen until I killed it. Quite literally was dead in my hand, unable to write another word. It was truly the most wonderful sense of achievement. Full of pride I was as I ceremoniously chucked it in the bin. You are done soldier. You are done.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Daniel Kitson

Saw my first theatre show of the year last night at the Arts Centre and am still walking around with it in my head.

Daniel Kitson's one man show, 66A Church Road, is very funny, very touching, did I mention it was funny? and it's all about a house that became a home.

Go see it.

Go.

Why aren't you leaving?

Okay, this is becoming awkward now.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Feel the heat, and I do.


Feel the heat
Originally uploaded by alexsk
It's going to hit 44 degrees here today and that is just, in the words of the Supernanny, unacceptable behaviour.

Off to the movies.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

HOT

This is where I want to be at the moment to get some sort of respite from the hot oven heat here in Melbourne but instead I am stuck in my house built by stupid people that thought they were still in Europe.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Blonde


Blonde wig mountain
Originally uploaded by discodeb73
Old men with blonde hair are weird.

Discuss.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

News

Here's one thing that happened when I was buried under a giant rum ball (true story, remind me to tell you sometime).

I'm having a play produced at a place called Paw Paw. It is actually a real place and not some joke a mean person played on me. It's in Michigan. Look it up.

Boom!

So, it's been about a month since I was last here and while the time seemed to fly, it didn't seem like I was doing much. But I'm sure I was. I may be a genius at procrastination but still things get done. I hope that when you think of me, and I know that you think of me often and you are gloriously close to becoming a stalker, you don't picture a sloth human munching donuts on the couch. I rarely eat donuts.

But still, the end of the year saw the days melting in to each other and seemed to be gone before I knew it. And now, we are in @)!) – which is 2010 if hold down the shift button.

I'm doing something HUGE this year and I'm talking about it all here. You may see me around town trying not to cry and look aimless. It's going to be fun. Or it is going to kill me. Either way, I hope it changes my life, because as much as I love whinging to you all, I want to be a happy little duckling. Literally. But in case I can't manage that, I'll just take the happy.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

2010, or whatever

So, you've missed me. You've been crying into your egg nog which you really should pour down the sink because Christ that shit goes off and I don't want any of you to DIE, and you've been clinging to your loved ones, sobbing incoherently because 'she's .. just ... not ... THERE!'

I know, but in my defence, you really should be used to it.

I would like to say that I will be better but let's sit that dance out.

Let us all just rest a while, near a christmas tree because I know you haven't pulled it down yet, and hopefully there will be a weird blue girl there that will entertain you until I get back.