A riddle

Consider this:

Your friend is getting married. I don't know if he is your best friend but you are the best man so you're not exactly that guy that I play cricket with ever third Saturday. I don't know his name but he's kinda cool and really funny when he's drunk. Like, hilarious. So can we invite him to the wedding? You're not that guy. You're higher up on the friend chain than that. You're so high up you are put in charge of the bucks night. Yes, you are like super-sized friend. There is no friend greater than you. As super-sized friend, you let your fingers do the walking and wham, bam, thank you maam you have yourself a stripper who does a XXX rated performance called "Anal". Yes, you heard me right.

So bucks night comes around and boy are those beers flowing freely, especially from the guys who play cricket. Is that? Yes, that is the fourth keg being opened. Madam Lash (although I'm sure she had a more creative name than that) is doing her thing which amongst other notable highlights, includes lap dancing, breasts out and all over your face (yes, that's what the move is called) and then, oh then, comes out the strap-on dildo. Remember what the show is called people.

So Mr Best Man who doesn't play cricket but thinks he might try out for Most Valuable Player for the evening ,volunteers to be a part of Madam Lash's extravaganza. He gets a lap dance. Nice. He gets a couple of breasts rubbed on his face. Nicer. He is told by Madam Lash to take off his pants and get on all fours. Remember the strap-on? Not so nice. What does Mr Best Man do? Does he say well, this has been fun but why don't we make it a little less interactive? Or, Thanks very much Madam Lash but my mother always told me to keep my pants on when drinking beer - which would be very good advice for all mothers to tell their sons. Especially when they grow up to be footballers. No. No, Mummy forgot to tell her very grown up son that excellent piece of advice. So there he is - on all fours, literally butt naked. Then Madam Lash produces from some secret compartment in her leather bustier the "special" lotions which everyone knows only drips trouble.

However, in Mr Best Man's defence he did ask Madam Lash to please be gentle which Madam Lash who is there just to collect the cash so she doesn't really care, says "Sure. Course I'll be gentle" as she applies the special lotion to his butt.

As the story goes, Mr Best Man shortly after felt a "sharp pain and a thrust" which millions of young girls on prom night will relate to and suddenly the meaning of triple X made itself very clear to Mr Best Man.

Now, this story would have been hilarious if it had stopped there. But it didn't. Because idiot Mr Best Man then went and accused Madam Lash of rape. Yes, you heard me right. And the whole thing was dragged through the courts until today when 12 sensible people of the jury who no doubt would never be caught anywhere near any kind of "special" lotion told Mr Best Man he was an idiot and sent Madam Lash on her way to a buck's night near you.

You can read about the whole sordid mess here.