Radio Plays

Who knows anything about radio plays? Me? Nothing. Not a scratch. Well, I do know that they play on radio. There is that. I'm not a complete eejit but as for anything else ... well, let's just think about this. Let's try and define a radio play, as opposed to a stage play. It's a play for voices ... and sound. I can't have people moving around too much. Although I guess they can move. Man walks up stairs ... clomp, clomp,clomp. I guess silence wouldn't play too well. Lots of people crowded around a radio asking "IS THIS THING ON?" So silence is somewhat ruled out.

Are there any more differences?

You can't see the actors. Which I think is a marvellous invention and there should be more of it. I'd like all my actors dressed in a full body suit and then maybe they would learn that it's not you stupid, it's the words. The words are the important thing. Which is probably a good rule of thumb when thinking about radio plays. And I am. I want to write one. I'm just not sure where to begin.

News

Got some exciting news last week which I know I should have rushed to tell you all about but ... No. Sorry. Don't have a good excuse. I'm just slack. I know. The shock of discovering such a thing. But, let's not get weighed down by the negative. You're so negative. Has anyone ever told you that? Well ... turn that frown upside down because I got news that I'm having a play on in Canada. I know CANADA! Which is exciting because I know next to nothing about Canada and therefore it's got the whiff of the exotic about it all and it's also exciting because I've never had a play on in Canada.

I know. I'm like so GLOBAL.

Homeland

Just for being an Australian I got a day off yesterday. Thank you Australia. You really are quite awesome, except when you are assaulting Indian students on the way home, keeping refugees locked up and other ghastly acts including the one that got us the day off in the first place. But a day off for no reason other than some white bloke sailed across the world and bumped into us is alright by me. In fact it is better than that. It is very AUSTRALIAN. Which is important. It is normal to be Australian. It is absolutely the deep pits of satanic behaviour to be Un-Australian. The goal posts on where Australian and UnAustralian live change by the second and it is quite possible that I am being UnAustralian at this very minute and have no idea. An example: Eating lamb is Australian but eating Kangaroo is still a bit weird and while probably not UnAustralian, is very close to it. I eat both lamb and kangaroo so I'm very much a fence sitter. I know. The confusion reigns supreme. I have never draped myself in an Australian flag - very UnAustralian but I have never dispossessed someone of their land either - Used to be extremely Australian and now it's UnAustralian. Well, sort of. You see the problem?

I celebrated being Australian by writing and then eating Italian which puts me firmly in the Un-Australian but it beat being at the day job. Day jobs should be unconstitutional. Which is a bloody Australian thing to say.

Achievement

I did the most wonderful thing last night. I used a pen until I killed it. Quite literally was dead in my hand, unable to write another word. It was truly the most wonderful sense of achievement. Full of pride I was as I ceremoniously chucked it in the bin. You are done soldier. You are done.

Daniel Kitson

Saw my first theatre show of the year last night at the Arts Centre and am still walking around with it in my head.

Daniel Kitson's one man show, 66A Church Road, is very funny, very touching, did I mention it was funny? and it's all about a house that became a home.

Go see it.

Go.

Why aren't you leaving?

Okay, this is becoming awkward now.

Feel the heat, and I do.

Feel the heat
Originally uploaded by alexsk

It's going to hit 44 degrees here today and that is just, in the words of the Supernanny, unacceptable behaviour.

Off to the movies.

HOT

Spirit of rising Sun lift me up...Hold me there and never let me fall
Originally uploaded by neloqua

This is where I want to be at the moment to get some sort of respite from the hot oven heat here in Melbourne but instead I am stuck in my house built by stupid people that thought they were still in Europe.

Blonde

Blonde wig mountain
Originally uploaded by discodeb73

Old men with blonde hair are weird.

Discuss.

News

Here's one thing that happened when I was buried under a giant rum ball (true story, remind me to tell you sometime).

I'm having a play produced at a place called Paw Paw. It is actually a real place and not some joke a mean person played on me. It's in Michigan. Look it up.

Boom!

So, it's been about a month since I was last here and while the time seemed to fly, it didn't seem like I was doing much. But I'm sure I was. I may be a genius at procrastination but still things get done. I hope that when you think of me, and I know that you think of me often and you are gloriously close to becoming a stalker, you don't picture a sloth human munching donuts on the couch. I rarely eat donuts.

But still, the end of the year saw the days melting in to each other and seemed to be gone before I knew it. And now, we are in @)!) – which is 2010 if hold down the shift button.

I'm doing something HUGE this year and I'm talking about it all here. You may see me around town trying not to cry and look aimless. It's going to be fun. Or it is going to kill me. Either way, I hope it changes my life, because as much as I love whinging to you all, I want to be a happy little duckling. Literally. But in case I can't manage that, I'll just take the happy.

2010, or whatever

《Lonely blue christmas》
Originally uploaded by xRawrkitty

So, you've missed me. You've been crying into your egg nog which you really should pour down the sink because Christ that shit goes off and I don't want any of you to DIE, and you've been clinging to your loved ones, sobbing incoherently because 'she's .. just ... not ... THERE!'

I know, but in my defence, you really should be used to it.

I would like to say that I will be better but let's sit that dance out.

Let us all just rest a while, near a christmas tree because I know you haven't pulled it down yet, and hopefully there will be a weird blue girl there that will entertain you until I get back.