Helping hand

In order to be the helping hand that I truly believe I am, I have an opportunity to share with you that some might find helpful. Some might cheer, although that might make you look weird but really, it's up to you.

But this opportunity that is pretty damn good and might be the turning point in your life is for a particular breed of artist (sorry to all the non-artists out there, I'll get back to making fun of train commuters shortly) and so in order to make this even more helpful and so you don't get to the end of the multiple forms and then only realise that you have nothing to offer and would be an idiot to apply, I have developed (at my own time and expense) a foolproof questionnaire. If you answer yes to all of these then grab a pen and start madly lying your arse off.

If your favourite word is 'me', closely followed by 'everything' and coming up the rear is 'now' then stop throwing your fists around in a temper tantrum and listen up.

Still not sure.

If you like your art spliced, diced with lots of sparkle and set to the dulcet tones of whatever emo goth band is speaking your angst, then put down the razor blade and use your powers for good.

I hear you. You can't be pigeonholed that quickly. No worries dude, I got more. (if the word dude makes you roll your eyes in weariness at the stupidity of the old, then I would take a look at this)

If your bio reads something like, like I dig the multimedia shit and the technology is wicked in line with the art and stuff that I make when I not doing a multitude of other cool things cause I'm just not one thing and never will be you old fucks. But the art, it's really all about the art, everything is art and I make it with the hip hop tunes and dem kickarse beats and wack, wacky stuff that you will, like, never understand because you, old fuckers at the age of 25, you have totally lost the vibe and you will probably say it's too loud or too noisy and, well, I can't even be bothered explaining it to you because you'll probably be dead by the time I'm famous which should be happening right about NOW! so just fuck off and leave me with my digital, hybrid, eco-friendly, comic book slash Icelandic hip-hop inspired silent performance art comedy opera.

Thanks. Not.

Didn't I tell you to fuck off?

Yeah. If that sounds like you, then I have a gift for you. No need to thank me, I just want you to take your mess that you are audaciously calling art and move it to QLD for a while.

Like they used to do with characters on Neighbours.

What? Of course that's funny. Well, it used to be in the 90s.

Oh fine. Go here. Express your genius.